Borders of time

“So what about that Nobel? Or the journey to the moon? Or the thrill of sweeping at the ancient sites? Or better yet the rush of seeing numbers turn into gadgets and formulae into systems?”, she asked; the me, from that side of the border

“Yeah, what about them? Those were the dreams that fueled me to become what I am today! Every person has a right to dream!” said I; the me, from this side of the border

“Woohoo!” she snorted “….to become what you are today!!! Pray, what are you today!”

and before she could continue with her rhetoric, I jumped in ” I am a mature lady responsible for……”

“Mature eh? and Responsible???” she scoffed ” You sure you talking about yourself honey?” Me from across the border was very skeptic

“Oh don’t you  go undermining me now, because the person I am today is a lot better than the person who I was yesterday! Atleast in ways where it really counts” I was defensive

“HOW?” she wanted to know

“Well the younger me, though ambitious, was too non practical. Sometimes she was to self absorbed to understand how simple words and actions may hurt others. She was unable to understand that not everything is either black or white….the grey areas are actually what life is all about. Besides she never knew the pain of feeling another’s pain.” I from this side of the border became quiet and reflective

She, from the other side of the time, imaginative as she was, asked “So, it wasn’t that bad was it? I mean weren’t you much happier then? You believed in possibilities.”

I smiled, ” Girlie! believe in possibilities, I still do! I haven’t been abducted by aliens and gotten exchanged you know. I still have you in me….”

” Or you in me!” she quickly interjected

“Uh Uh” i negated ” No back then I wouldn’t have realized the poetic love even it it would have come and slapped me on the face. And as for happiness, well i was a melancholy child worried about the world then and i am a melancholy woman now worried about everything in general. Besides now I am happy not just on my behalf but on the achievements of others too, my husband’s ideas, my daughter’s smiles, my sister’s mirth, my brother’s success….well ain’t the grand now?”

“You have started to talk too much in riddles now you know, I don’t sense a clearly directed mind now….Where is your perspective for your life? your aims? She was becoming too nosy

“Sadly but truly I have lost my perspective!” I sighed sullenly

“What? How can a person survive in the world without having a reason, I mean a personal aim to live for” She was after all the same old me, the ever believing in being the author of ones own story

“There are other things, for example becoming a better human being, thanking the Almighty for His wonders, living  in the moment and holding on to small happinesses that trickle down to us” I tried to explain to her slowly

“So, you’ll settle for being yet another average person” she, who had big dreams, was indignant

I gave her a faint smile “Not necessarily, besides nothing’s average and no ones a nobody”

“Oh come on that doesn’t answers my question, how will you touch others lives if you don’t become what you were destined to become!…. A SOMEBODY! ”  she who never gave up, was forceful

” Everybody is a somebody and they ought to be respected for that, for who they are and not just for the apparent laurels they carry” I was mellow, knowing she would not understand….though she would think she does

” Ofcourse! I know thaaat!” She was quick to counter

Bingo! I merely smiled

“What are you smiling so smugly about? And what about this ravenous need to be studying, reading and understanding the world if i am to become, *ugh*, you?” she was in total despair

I had started to grin ” It doesn’t hurt the mind to be used you know”

“Stop laughing, you are creeping me out!” she was becoming restless ” I won’t let my talents and achievements go to waste, you just wait and watch!”

” I know you won’t!” of that I was sure!

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Though I am waiting till she meets me at this side of the border as time silently seeps my being into hers.

A byte into “the real World…”

Note: The text ahead may make no sense whatsoever and tht’s pretty ironic since it’s all about logic….so if you’ll read ahead with a mind to understand something then think again 😀

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Was listening to a team mate of mine as he explained how the different musical instruments were mixed after recording using that signal mixing console. I asked him about adjusting the ‘bass’ and ‘treble’ levels and that what in God’s name were those two knobs for.

He launched in on a summarized explanation of how the low, deep notes like that of drums are controlled by playing with the ‘bass’ while high pitched, shrill sounds sometimes like that of guitars are smoothed over by the ‘treble’…As he carried on about how the inputs should just match the range set for any of these or other options…my mind flicked through the graphs and figures in  Digital Signal Processing and the responses of various filters that we studied in them.

I smiled in spite of myself coz i had always loved those subjects that made logical sense 😛  I remember i was in eternal awe of ‘Digital Logic Design’. A friend and I were making ‘4-way traffic signal’ for our DLD project and for the life of me i couldn’t understand how to convert the zeroes and ones into blinking , working lights…..until the journey from deciding logical states to truth tables, then equations and k-maps gave us our circuit…amazing!! the natural highs could be so damn exhilerating!.. The world of digital electronics has always mesmerized me because at the base of it lies the simple concept of presence or absence of a signal, very precisely timed. There is that software to hardware interfacing along with the tiny wonder machines called microprocessors and Digital signal processors that could do something as simple from sending a signal to an LED to acting as a complex speech transaltor… but at the base of these all lies the logic which tells when to or when not to send a signal.

In mathematics it’s a zero or one, in Computing a bit and in physical world a mere switch that turns on or off according to the defined patterns and that brings me to the wonder of having just the ‘right’ pattern…the proper sequence can regulate something as ordinary as accounting, tagging and shelfing of books to something as complex as booting of a pc…so at the apex of it or at the root of it all lies the sequence in which one command follows another.

I’m so keyed up now that i can’t even put together a decent and literarily respectable sentence to express my admiration for the magic, the tricks that logic and numbers are capable of…. I dont know if there is even a central idea to this post…it’s just a random set of words to pay my ode to virtual world of bits and frequencies that are making the companies run, control engineering the milk that goes into tetra packs, refreshing your monitor every fraction of a millisecond and ofcourse teaching u to be v careful and sure coz small mistakes in this environment mean big troubles in our world!!

Costs and Values!

 

The reason I gave up on Accounting and Economics was that I just could not stand the thought of measuring the worth of everything for its monetary value. Calcualting the goodwill and efficiency of an employee and adding it to the company’s gross income filled me with disgust for all the subjects of finance…..but lets not be too hasty to judge my point of view….for, a thought process a few days back had somewaht smudged my sharp opinions.

Money has never been a thing of prime importance to me and wanting to be in possession of new toys, gadgets or accessories never been my habit…yet this can easily be owed to the fact that I always get the things of basic necessity and continual luxury unasked for. My Baba and Amma have made sure that there is nothng left in life that their children could say “Ah i Wish…” for and to that end sooner or later all sorts of things have been provided to us. It is said that you can seldom know the importance of anything unless you have experienced the absence or loss of it…so Alhamdulillah not having experienced those deep pangs of craving for the material things, i have always thoughts the people who are running after cellphones, old, cars, ipods or what nots as….well silly. I thought they did not know that to be happy you just need to have around you the right people at the right time and a lot of creativity.

But few days ago, with this crash in the value of Rupee i had a revelation on me…what if the dollars account really did freeze and people who have their paychecks coming in the foreign currency could not get their month’s worth of dough to buy their bread and butter?? ….. A person who earns and i mean earns faithfully…collects each penny almost literally at the expense of a drop of perspiration of his/her brow. So what if a month’s salary should be held back?…

What if a fan bought by a peddlar’s collected tens and fivers suddenly breaks down?

What if an old, old beggar finds enough strength to buy himself a rs 25 bun kebab and he falls somewhere and loses his sole source of sustenance down a drain??

What if? and these what ifs can ruin the peace of your mind but alas they keep you conscience and common sense alive. It is this thought of losing the things that are vital in life to be able to live respectably or simply…just live that makes ‘money’ such a holy obsession…because it’s money that buys…and though it can not buy happiness it can atleast buy us the articles that may induce that feeling.

I still don’t find it in me to give money that apex for being the propeller behind a smooth life but i do respect it’s stature and am scared of it’s power….It’s is no man’s friend.

So whenever i am allowed to exercise my right to choose the little comforts of life i ponder, assess and analyze the resources and then apply it to the fullest …because today i can tomorrow i may not….Yet i try never to make them my means to survive….they are because of me, i am not because of them!!

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Thought of the Day by Me 😛

Things of temporary and fluctuating values can never be held on to…and i believe human can always adapt so let’s hold on to something timeless and eternal….like faith and love!!

Sing a Song of Peace

Over to take a break from the long and monotonous task of creating the IRIS user manual I open up DINA (Dawn’s Internet News edition ) just to scan the headlines…(I do so forcefully since I am no newspaper buff) as I quickly browse the small extracts of the main news, Noori’s “Muhjya Roko” plays in my ears… All I see in the newspaper is the news about terrorism, political chaos, verdicts of jirgas, accusations and meetings of the diplomats and beaurucrats ….I feel an urge to write out what ought to b said truthfully and bluntly…try and stop me 😉

 Needless to say I end up being frustrated why it says that a decision in some  tribal area gave away two under age daughters of a man in marriage to over aged men to settle a ‘Karo Kari’ issue…I mean what sick minded, pervert lunatics settle the issues of Izzat by punishing young , innocent beings who probably do not even know what the word ‘marriage’ means! If some relative of the kids did something wrong then what justice is it to take out the wrath on another channel..no wonder the human justice is badly tainted and marred withour petty prejudices and limited understanding.!

 “Mjhy Roko” shifts over to “I want to live like an animal” by Savage Garden and I feel myself wanting to spit out all that is shooting worms in my mind….

 It’s sad to know that Afghanistan is accusing Pakland for attacks on it’s embassy and then again we weren’t very loyal to our brothers when we gave our basis to Uncle Sam to attack them….what can we say. Then we have the series of blasts and the political leaders putting up a nerve wrecking comedy up there … savage Garden stops soothing my mind and Linkin Park jusm in with “Numb”…ah what timely songs my play list contains now doesn’t it???

 And aaargh the diplomacy of other nations in pretending that they care about us or we for them and would like each other to come out of miseries is so fake that if we believe that then I am sure you can also believe that I am the queen of England (with all due respect).  I don’t want my rationalization to be checked by the warped state of affairs although I am not sure if I am any more rational then the people out there and they definitely have an advantage of being driven and active too….Bon Jovi starts crying “It’s my life” in my head”  and I chuckle…sometimes somethings just fit…fine…from chaos emerges order…and then again how will the news paper become sensational if all this sad and unfortunate, heart wrenching events don’t occur…nopse it’s not a warfare of nukes or anything that drastic at all…it’s simply the game of screwing up the mind peace and psyche of the masses…Nickelback starts crooning “If everyone cared’ and I decide to get back to work now….Hope still keeps burning like that famous John Elton’s song’s phrase says…

Like candle in the wind!

 

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Chance & Circumstance

God does not play dice

 

So if events are not a probability of mere chance then there has to be a pre defined pattern for them…..an architecure, a flow, an outline designed for them……

Now THIS pattern is what i try to understand….interseting turns and interesting choices…yet there is just one way you’ll eventually go because others are just too impossible to follow….but what if u decide to be crazy for just one moment and jump……..

a jump that seems as random as the casting of dice…..and yet…….you know…God does not play dice!!!

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Pic from www.deviantart.com

 

Stayin’ alive

I was wondering if the beating of a heart really does signify that a person is alive…I have seen too many people with their hearts going beat…beat…beat and yet their eyes so dead and vacant…..smiles so empty….no spirit and want of happiness in them….

What good is a human with no ‘self’ ….I would hate to turn into a zombie….I hope none of you out there are one of these too…..God bless!

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Note: Pic from Deviantart.com ..

Am I back??? and other things

No, I know it’s not Winter and infact it’s not even in the air anymore….if anything, Winter has passed away with a chill and a wave….Even so I am hibernating….no! No! I haven’t shifted to Australia either …btw does Australia has bears????….I know the cute, cuddlyKoalas are there, though I’m not sure about their being cuddlesome…I’ve only seen Koalas on NatGeo and animal sticker sheets.

 So anyway I have totally digressed from what I originally wanted to say…I wanted to say that I have been and may even continue to be ‘hibernating‘ for a while….You know how they say if there is a problem then ‘sleep on it!’ I’m literally trying to do that 🙂 ….. and Ya besides lethargy being my lifelong friend I have , like other people, stuck the same bumper sticker on me: “Sorry I am very busy now a days”….(Whatever!!*!$)…

This last Saturday our company arranged for us to attend a Time Management session by one Dr. Hanif Mohammad….despite it being a Saturday a working day, the session went quite well, thanks to Samra, Preeyaa, Basit and Nida….and even myself for our continual quips and remarks throughout….However Dr. Hanfi said that if you are unable to complete your tasks within a given time frame then you must be slacking somewhere and that you should take each task as an ugly frog which you have to eat.

He said: “Suppose you have to eat a very big, extremely Ugly frog everyday….When would you eat it?”

Almost all of us agreed that it would be early in the morning…Bingo!! that was his point anyway….Our tasks are our toads and we must try to do away with them as soon as first ray of sun manages to fight itself into your eye…Oh man! wouldn’t Fear Factor guys would have simply loved this? One thing…infact two things which rung a bell somewhere in the remote depths of my mind (where there is certainly not a vacuum…or else I wouldn’t have heard the chiming) Two things were:

1. 
    Brainstorm hard and think, what is that one thing that is most important in your life and that you want to achieve……Squeeze out atleast 30 mins each day to work on towards that goal!!
2. Take out five to fifteen minutes each day in the morning and ‘prioritize‘ your tasks…needless to say start with the tasks that would fall in the category of ‘Urgent&Important’, synonymous with ‘Critical’…this way tasks that are left wouldn’t be that important anyway…..

Dr. Hanif also told us and we calculated on that, that each of us atleast waste an hour of our office working hour which when divided by out monthly salary and then multiplied by number of weeks in a year…gave the company a loss of atleast xxxmillion Rupees, God! that’s huge….which reminds me I should get on with the web setup of Iris (our company’s internet banking and much more ,utility)…I dropped by here while the Oracle10g Client is installing itself with me occasionaly clicking an option here and there..besides with me having the advantage of coming in early today 🙂

So anyways, what I really wanted to say was that, that I might be hibernating for some time and then again maybe not but even so, if this DayBreak seems to be taking a little longer than usual kindly do not think that I got lost in the dark somewhere…I’m BUSY 😛

 …..

 ………

in trying to find the land of the rising sun (metaphorically speaking 🙂 ) 

The Age of Aquarius

Warning: Quite a dark and a dreary piece of text ahead 🙂  

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The reality of life is simply ‘uncertainty’….one moment you are there and the other gone, vanished….turned to a mere cargo packed in a coffin being transported in the luggage compartment of a plane. The last two years have been portraying this ‘age of Aquarius’ concept to me. Blasts, fires, buildings falling down, suicide attacks, sudden deaths, deaths from drug overdose and what not…. Death is inevitable and try as we might we cannot deny it, but seeing the clutches of mortality tightening so blatantly makes living all the more surreal.

During my junior year at university, a sophomore guy got killed by his own gun in the class…. I had not known the guy, but my brother did and many other people did too….for them he was a live, walking, talking human and for me merely a name…yet his death intermittently haunts me especially now when I think that this would have been his final semester and that his parents would have proudly told everyone that their son was going to be a ‘Telecom Engineer’….I got to be one, but he never did. Another guy died when a football hit him hard on his heart during a friendly game and yet another senior of ours died of a brain tumor. And he was an only son, that too of elderly parents. 8 people were incinerated in the horrifying Berger Paints factory inferno few days ago and an Airforce plane crashed in the GIKI campus killing the pilot, co-pilot and a gardener tending to the little plants carefree of all the cares in the world. Heath Ledger, one of my very much admired, actor died of a drug overdose…

I remember how mesmerized I was by the movie “Final Destination”….Being alone, I had watched it in rapt attention forgetting the assignment I had been working on. It’s been like 4 or 5 years since I watched it but after that it often comes to how thin a border exists between breathing and getting a straight line on the cardiogram…….Last year I had gotten addicted to this song by ‘Junoon’ and I had listened to it almost in a recursive loop, it said:

“matti main mil jayen gay

Bhoolo na, bhoolo na

Geet hain jo teri meri saanson main

Khwab hain jo teri meri ankhon main

Saray mitti main mil jayen gay

Bhoolo na …bhoolo na…..”

And yet we wonder why the smell of the wet earth attracts us so. The other day my friends pointed out a building burnt to black soot during the 27^th December riots and upon looking at it I had instinctively said “Wow!”…it really wasn’t a piece of art  but come to think of it, what a stark combination the brilliant raging fire is to the black and grey it leaves behind. Some place which  pulsates with the mirth of bustling activity is turned into ashes…becoming history in a matter of  little time….such is the ‘uncertainty’ of the coming moment….unless we break away from the ties of gravity and mass and see the future itself..

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According to the essay that I had read about the “age of Aquarius” during my high school years…this era in itself marked the penetration of anxiety, dissatisfaction …..’Uncertainity’..since it was being ruled by the water

…Water, the magical element is fluid, never stops, doesn’t know its own shape, it flows wherever it finds an opening….and we are caught in between the troughs and crests of its waves….highs and lows…yet always being swept away from one point by the flow….

Being in Al Ain and other things

Finishes the strange year of 2007 also marking the finish of our trip and a very timely end too. We’ve almost depleted all our resources going crazy with all the shopping that we have done…  🙂

The dim lights in my Chacha Jii’s lounge and the slightly cold weather has made me want to ramble on about my trip so here goes 

• I  hail theVisa Debit card….it’s been a lot of fun taking out Dirhams from the Arabic ATMs.  
•  I  have finally bought the PS2 for us three siblings and this has totally depleted my SCB account but why it does feel grand to be able to play the Oldest sister sometimes
• I’m now looking for suggestions for cool strategy games to play on it in the likes of CSI etc
• Al Ain makes me feel as if I’m living in a fantasy town, one that you see in the Tom and Jerry cartoons
• Mubazzira and Jabl-e-Hafeeth, the green and rocky picnic spot is my favorite place over here. Last year we climbed an easy hill but this time our heroics went a step forward as we hiked on a steeper and a dash more slippery slope.
• Though every other person here drives a Land Cruiser, I still like a sporty Charger, Merc or a Porsche better.
• I wish I could have gone on a desert Safari too but God willing I’ll do that some other time 🙂
• We are wondering on our mode of transport to home from Karachi airport tomorrow…I wish the Taxis have started running again…otherwise I’m thinking how many days more will it be before we’ll finally be able to reach our door step by foot!
• I shall miss having to sleep in the fairy tale like room with ceiling to floor French windows and through whichi could see the moon travelling as night turned into day
• One thing which impressed me about Al Ain and which I didn’t notice last year is the way the natives always dress in their indegenuous clothes…and despite the ladies being covered entirely in the black abayas they have too much grace and poise…pretty impressive.
• I observed to my Chacha Jii that how unfortunate it is that these filthy rich Arabs may never know how much fun it is to eat a plate of ‘chaat’ or a dirty ‘bun kabab’ sitting by the road side
• Being in a foreign land makes you crazy enough to buy a stupid thing for 15 AEDs just because it’s simply of 15 bucks even though it is 16.50 x 15 in your own currency.
• It’s good to be going back to your home, it makes you appreciate the little things in life…for example you remember to thank God that He has made you fortunate enough to be able to go so many places and learn so many things.
• Dear Allah Mian jii please make this coming year a blessing for our country, our people, and everyone around…and help us through these times darkness and despair…. Aameen
• So before I set to fly home ward….Fee Amaan Allah to ye all and have a satisfying New Year!

A brain tickle

There is only one thing wrong with being logical……you have a rational answer for every situation and though you may want to dwell in self pity or sweet dreams sometimes your calculated responses will not let you.

 Now that could be a big bummer sometimes …..

……but oh well it makes life so much less crazier than otherwise it would be!

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p.s. Hina I don’t know who else could understand what I wrote but I know you are the other person who can totally idenitfy with this….so this one’s for you 🙂